Yes. I do! When I drink coffee, I could feel that my eyeballs are popping out. Just like now.. Ah!! Gusto ko matulog!!!1

My mouth was open the whole time I’ve watched the video.

OhMyGod!

But I don’t want that to happen to me though. LOL♥

But it’s still so sweet♥ aaaaaawwwwwwww

I watched “Daddy Long Legs” again. The korean version. I feel so inlove whenever I watch that movie

.

Is it because – I was never inlove before? Or is it because I am thrilled on how a man loves a woman?

I do sometimes claim that I had been inlove before, but… I am not really sure myself. And I cannot call it love or being inlove because the feeling isn’t mutual.

I do resent the idea and my feeling of waiting for love, for I feel it is corny. But am I really waiting for love?

Honestly, I hate to admit, but, I, too, dream of being inlove. I want to feel compassion and love for someone. I want to know how being inlove feels. They say you don’t choose who you fall inlove with. Is that possible?

I often hear, when you’re inlove, you will be able to feel all kinds of emotion. But I do think that – that is a crazy idea. I had felt all kinds of emotion a man is capable of feeling. Am I still missing something?

I hate to admit, but, I am truly afraid of being inlove. I feel that I won’t be able to express my emotion and compassion to someone I am not even related to. How can you trust someone you don’t even know?

I have seen people lying to their lovers. I have seen those who are so obsessed and crazy about love. I have seen how they acted and looked so stupid just for that little thing called love. It’s uncanny!!!!

I am afraid….that love can ruin my aspirations in life. I am so scared that it can ruin me.

But, somehow, deep down inside, I want to experience true love. I think I had a chance with love, but I blew it. I do sometimes regret my decision of not acknowledging it, but why do I have to start LOVE when I have to end it anyway.

Maybe it isn’t my time to be inlove yet.

Today is my 10th day of fruit diet.

But I still eat fish – but only once a week.

I also eat bread – but only 1 to 2 loaves of bread.

No RICE. More FRUITS!

What I had noticed is that – I haven’t eaten junk foods since I started this diet. Because I didn’t like the taste. I got used to the taste of FRESH FRUITS. Isn’t that amazing???!

I feel very light and active since my diet.

My goal is to maintain this diet for a month

This is my breakfast.

I made it last night.

I enjoy making my food -for the 1st time ever!!!

This morning I have cucumber, steamed sweet potato, steamed tomato, jicama, and orange.

I’ll keep you posted on this diet

I’m so weird I know. Some of you may know that i love sitting and reading and just locking myself up in my small cabinet. Why?! Because it just feels so comforting. Weird! I know!

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling uncomfortable and all curled up inside my cabinet.

I tried remembering what I was doing there. And all I remember is going inside my room to change because we’re going out. Haha!

I had a MIGRAINE attack last night – that’s why I just fell, and didn’t realize I slept inside my cabinet!

I keep laughing just by thinking about it! HAHA!

People here in our town are used to seeing me with a SMILE ON MY FACE! Always.

They even ask me how I have fun with corny jokes and simple things.

They are used to seeing me laughing and talking.

THAT’S WHY WHENEVER I LOOK GLOOMY AND SAD, THEY GET CURIOUS.

Then, ALL OF THEM will ask me the same question OVER and OVER AGAIN.

“What’s wrong KC?”

Sometimes, I answer their question.

Most of the time, I don’t want to talk.

And that would be rude, so, when I don’t feel good,

I ALWAYS FAKE A SMILE.

To make it seem that nothings wrong.

TO AVOID ANSWERING QUESTIONS.

•

“Don’t explain your feelings, they’re yours.” – Paulo Coelho

•

Do you know a better thing to do, whenever you feel that way?

P.S.

I miss writing long blogs. I miss you wordpress people!!!

I’ll try to be back♥

December 8, 2009

I AM, RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT,

FIGHTING TEARS BACK FROM MY TEAR DUCT.

:’(

“DON’T FLOW” - I told my tears.

“BECAUSE IF YOU DO,

WE WILL BOTH CRY IN VAIN.

YOU DON’T WANT THAT,

DO YOU?”

♥ ♥ ♥

I am going through my old journal.

and I am amaze (I think it is absurd and funny actually!) how I talk to myself.

♥ ♥ ♥

“THE MOST IMPORTANT CONVERSATION

YOU’LL HAVE IS

THE ONE YOU’LL HAVE TO YOURSELF”

–> I forgot who quoted this. I f you know, please write it in the comment box below

The feeling is more than fulfilling when you know that people trust you.

To get people’s trust is actually something that you can achieve easily.

But when trust is broken, it will be very difficult to rebuild it.

♦ ♦ ♦

To get people’s trust you have to:

TRUST YOURSELF FIRST.

BE VERY RESPECTFUL, whatever age they may be.

Learn how to listen, and talk with dignity and confidence.

Have SELF-DISCIPLINE.

♦ ♦ ♦

Those are the basic things you should do to get most people to trust you.

I actually wanted to add: Be Friendly, Get High Grades, Be Jolly, etc. etc.

BUT! I DON’T THINK THOSE TRAITS ARE NECESSARY to get people’s trust.

♦ ♦ ♦

You may think, “that is so easy!”

I’m telling you! It isn’t.

If you think you are doing all that and still couldn’t get people to trust you -

It is OKAY! The most important thing is that -

“YOU TRUST YOURSELF”

♦ ♦ ♦

I am a middle child.

Just by saying that – you’ll understand the lack/least of attention is what we receive inside the family.

In simple words – I am NOT a favorite.

And what hurts the most is that – FAVORITISM – is something you would actually see.

I personally suffered the “middle-child-syndrome” for a very long time, and it later became the source of my Depression.

(But I am healing now….and it doesn’t make my “heart beat pain” anymore)

♥

Now, as I am a grown-up, I could see how different I am with my 2 siblings-

In making decisions,

In thinking,

In manners, (we all have manners, BUT you know what I mean…)

Interacting with people,

Relating to people,

Reasoning…

IN EVERYTHING ACTUALLY.

♥

I could say I mature pretty fast than they do.

“The harder the challenge, the harder I struggle,  the better I become.”

Sometimes, I think what if  I was the Favorite?

Really, I don’t like it – because either one of my siblings will feel what I had felt, and I am pretty sure they couldn’t handle it.

I am happy of the attention I receive.

♥

ACCEPTANCE

- is pretty much the answer that I was looking for so long. And when you accepted it, you’ll discover how contented you are for what you’ve got – even how small it was.

♥

P.S.>>>

I am ending my post a little hanging again..because I feel that it will be a longer post when I elaborate too much.

I ain’t saying that MIDDLE CHILD’s are better – it always depends on some situations – situations like MINE.